Something on the side?

Bishop Michael Reid: Adulterer. And Hypocrite.

"This is my body... take... eat..."

Ah… if there’s one thing we all like to see it’s a moralising do-gooder brought crashing to earth by the charge of hypocrisy. And they don’t come much more moralising than Pentecostal Bishop of Brentwood Michael Reid. And no – I don’t know what “pentecostal” means.

Remember that fuss about ‘Jerry Springer: The Opera’? Some church got up thousands of signatures decrying the effect this stage show would have on the nation’s morals? Well your man at the head of that was Bishop Reid.

In 2008, he revealed to his stunned congregation that he’d spent the last 8 years having an affair with choir mistress Sheila Graziano.

Forgive us if we take a pause here to make an observation: bwahahahahahahaha!

Since the case came to light, the good Bishop has spent less time fingering his rosaries and more time blaming everyone else for the fact that his erstwhile church has gone to the dogs. Currently, he’s trying to sue for wrongful dismissal. The big doughnut.

Anyway, this case is hardly current but remains a sterling example of how hypocrisy touches all strata of society. Whether you’re Tiger Woods, a respected doctor or a religious leader, the excitement of chasing some tail on the side acn ruin your reputation forever.

Who knows, maybe more of us should just confess to adultery?

Rachel Uchitel to come clean about Tiger Woods’ affair

"I'm a quiet person who likes reading and have never shagged Tiger Woods". Riiiiight.

I promise this will be the last Tiger Woods update for awhile unless something really juicy hits the news. If you’ve been following the tale, we heard the other day that one of the women named as Tiger Woods’ lover was denying the story, claiming that she was a quiet person who liked dogs and baking. Or something.

Anyway, Rachel Utimel (for it is she) is holding a press conference today where she is expected to basically admit that she was a lying little minx when she said that.

We’ve got mixed feelings about all of this. Tiger Woods has undoubtedly contributed to the sheer size of this story with his sphinx-like silence on his personal life down the years. We can’t think of a single person of his profile and public presence about whom we know less. He broke down racial barriers in golf and made the whole sport sexy. Or sexier, anyway.

By being so closed, he only served to fuel speculation as soon as the merest chink of innuendo was attached to his name. To put it another way, no-one would have cared if say Joey Barton was in another fight. It’s what we expect. Had Woods adopted a less saintly and aloof manner in his early days, then maybe we’d all just be shrugging right now.

He was also stupid. Few people manage to get away with affairs. Fewer still when one of the parties is famous. Even if love and jealousy doesn’t lead to betrayal, tabloid cheque books and the lure of the chatshow sofa tends to smoke out one party eventually. According to reports, he was so indiscreet as to even use his regular phone to take her calls, which ultimately aroused his wife’s suspicions when she saw his dialled numbers and voicemails.

Well duh, Tiger, you could afford another phone!

Tiger Woods Statement / Confession on Adultery Allegation

“I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.

Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means. For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives. The stories in particular that physical violence played any role in the car accident were utterly false and malicious. Elin has always done more to support our family and shown more grace than anyone could possibly expect.

But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don’t share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one’s own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn’t have to mean public confessions.

Whatever regrets I have about letting my family down have been shared with and felt by us alone. I have given this a lot of reflection and thought and I believe that there is a point at which I must stick to that principle even though it’s difficult.

I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology.”

Told ya!

Tiger Woods affairs… women to go public?

If he *is* cheating... why? HIs wife is HOT

Well the internet has been alive with rumours about Tiger Woods for some time – rumours that came to a head following his ‘car crash‘ last week. Now, even as reliable a source as the The Times is acknowledging the rumours so it looks like the story is finally going to break.

A Vegas cocktail waitress revelling in the (appropriate?) name Jaimee Grubbs has been the first to break cover – claiming that she has over 300 “racy” texts from the golfing legend dating back to 2007. However, the ‘other woman’ alleged to have been at the centre of the mysterious car crash last week, Rachel Uchitel, has gone public with her denials.  She told the New York Post:

“I have not had an affair with Tiger Woods. I’m a recluse, I don’t go out, I stay home with my dogs and friends.”

All well and good, but she was photographed earlier this year publically cavorting in the Caribeean with American Idol host Ryan “Who?” Seacrest.

Is there any truth in these rumours? Perhaps not surprisingly Woods himself is still issuing denials – despite still refusing to answer questions from police about the circumstances around the “car crash”. And it is true that anyone as much in the public eye as Woods is will always attract sensational rumours and the attention of gold-diggers eager for a slice of that fame and money.

But then again, history has shown that those under such pressures often make people crack and do silly things like dip their wick into a cocktail waitress when really they should know better.

Of course, you know where to come for the latest updates. Check back for more on this unfolding story over the next few days.

Cheshire Teacher Commits Adultery with 15 year old Pupil

"Now. For your homework I'd like you all to drop your trousers..."

Normally (insofar as the experiences we cover can be classed as “normal”) adultery takes place between two consenting adults – one of whom is in a marriage. Textbook definitions and all that. Occasionally though, a case comes to our attention that is even less savoury.

Madeleine Martin, 39, of Knutsford, Cheshire was jailed today for sleeping with a 15 year old pupil in her care. The two had begun talking through Facebook and after apparently under a weeks’ worth of cybersex proceeded to full sex in various places like his uncle’s house and a supermarket car park (where a security guard shooed them away).

At her hearing, the judge noted that her relationship with her husband had “ended” but without divorce she was still committing adultery, which really seems like the lesser of two sins here anyway.

It is interesting to note that reaction is rather different to when girls get abused by boys. Partly, I daresay we can easily picture the victim getting massive kudos from his mates from shagging a teacher in a way we can’t ever imagine a girl doing. However, his parents puncture that rosy picture, saying that he had ‘lost his sparkle’ and was no longer in full time education having been picked on by other children in his year.

Maybe the judge sums it up best:

“You started to abuse the trust you were entrusted with. Eventually you lured him into intimacies which should never have happened. You are to blame, not him. Those of either sex in a position of trust must expect significant punishment when they abuse that trust – especially sexually.”

Tiger Woods: Car Crash or Cheating?

In happier times. See a gleam in his eye?

Not at golf, you ninny. We couldn’t give a shit about golf. We’re talking about the same thing we always talk about here – adultery.

Yep. Tiger Woods, with his multi-million dollar endorsements and whiter-than-white public image. Now this is still in the realm of official denial, but TMZ (the website that broke the news that Michael Jackson was dead) reports that he spent last night sat on a kerb with a bloody lip after an altercation with his wife. The reason? An alleged affair.

Officially this is all down to some sort of car crash, but word on the street is of an alleged affair and a fight with his wife, who allegedly packs quite a left hook.

It’s been the stuff of internet tittle-tattle for quite a while now, but nothing official as yet. We’re quite surprised at this case though: someone like Woods must have a near monomaniacal devotion to his sport to achieve what he has done.

Yet despite the endless 5 o’clock wake-up calls, hours on the course and watching videos of his swing, he’s apparently managed to find time to boff someone on the wide. And have a wife.

There’s a man with serious issues with his drive. Not the kind of thing David Ledbetter’s going to be able to sort out though. Mind you, I bet he’d like to study the videos.

Updates

• Rachel Uchitel to go public on Tiger Woods affair?
• Tiger Woods statement on affairs
• More women to go public on Tiger Woods affairs?
• Tiger Woods – one man shag machine!

Confessions of a Cheating Husband

We’ve had a look at women’s motivations for cheating and concluded that they might be very different to those that drive a man to play away from home. Thanks to our anonymous submitter John (not his real name) we can have a closer look at what drove one man to stray from his wife of 15 years in search of an illicit encounter.

*** WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS EXPLICIT MATERIAL ***

Many thanks to ‘John’ for his submission. If you’d like to add your own story, drop us an email. Anything you tell us will be treated with the utmost discretion.

John’s Story

Looking back I wasn’t even looking to have an affair when it happened. I was really content at home in ******** with my wife Janet and a young son. Like a lot of blokes I always liked to look at other women when I was out or in the office but I never thought anything of it.

Then one day I got bullied into signing up for Facebook because everyone else was doing it. I thought it would be a bit weird doing it and didn’t know what to expect and it was pretty boring at first once you’d played the vampire game (remember that?) Anyway  I joined a group about my favourite team – the mighty ******** United. It was the first time I’d ever really used a ‘forum’ type thing because I’m perhaps a bit old for that kind of thing but I really got into it.

One person kept cropping up in my conversations though. Clare. She was always really funny and her humour really seemed on my level. Sometimes we’d have a conversation thread to ourselves and we developed loads of injokes. Without realising it I was spending quite a lot of time logging on at work to talk to her specifically. One day she asked if I had MSN so we swapped addresses.

I think that’s when I started to realise how attracted I was to her. I’d only seen her tiny little profile picture on Facebook but it didn’t seem to matter because we got on so well. We started chatting more on MSN than Facebook pretty much every day. And then in the night when our respective husband and wife had gone to bed.

The Cybersex

One night I was talking to her when somehow we ended up having ‘cyber sex‘. It took me totally by surprise. One minute  we were joking, the next we were describing what we’d do to each other. I was sat on my laptop until 2 in the morning telling her how I’d like to use my fingers and tongue on her body. It was so intense.

Pretty soon we were having cybersex almost everyday. As soon as my wife was in bed I would log on hoping she was there and masturbate while we talked – sometimes for hours. I felt like I could be honest with Clare in a way I could never be with my wife.

After about 6 months I was going on a works night out in N*********. By chance Clare was going to a conference there at the same time.

I knew then that we’d go further than just cybersex.

The Meeting

I was terrified of meeting Clare. I didn’t know how it would work out. So I sat in the hotel bar beforehand and got good and drunk. Eventually, she arrived a bit late and flustered and we just started talking. We made chit chat for a while before I got the nerve up to ask her if she wanted to go up to my room for a drink. It makes me laugh now that I even said that!

We more or less fell through the door in each other’s arms, kissing and touching. I literally tore her shirt off and threw her back on the bed. We’d talked about what we’d do so much that it was amazing to actually do it. I kissed her all over her skin from her calves over her thighs and when I finally got to lick her pussy it was incredible. We talked about what she tasted like all the time and to finally put my tongue there was the biggest adrenalin rush ever. Then she gave me a really sexy slow blowjob.

We had sex for what seemed like hours until we were sweaty and breathless and fell asleep in each other’s arms. We both knew how wrong and how risky it was but somehow that made it all the better. I’ve never had better sex.

The Fallout

I’ve hardly spoken to Clare since that time. I don’t know whether us actually doing it took away some of the excitement and mystery out of our relationship or whether one of us was embarassed afterwards. We still send the odd email to each other and are friendly but the spark has gone it seems. I do sort of regret it really. Noone but me and Clare knows this every happened but I do love my wife and know I’ve let her down so badly.

South Korean Adultery Laws: Harsh

From the perspective of Adultery Towers here in the Decadent West^™, South Korea’s laws on sexual behaviour look pretty batshit. Even the locals have started to get antsy about laws which included a bizarre crime of  ”making false promises of marriage in order to engage in sexual relations with women.”

Hell. It’s a wonder anyone’s been getting laid over there if they can’t pull the old “let’s get married… now drop your knickers” trick so beloved of lotharios the world over.

Anyway, the country’s supreme court have decided that the law “infantilised” women and in a landmark ruling struck down the law – brought as a test case after two recent examples where 2 year prison terms were handed down.

“The government should refrain from interfering in men’s sexual activities of tempting women in an unharmful manner”

Noted the court, sagely.

Despite that, adultery remains on the statute book in South Korea as a crime. Attempts to have this particular activity decriminalised were dismissed last year, and anyone shagging around on the side can look forward to two years in chokey if they get caught. Even if they don’t murder their lover.

Nigerian Love Cheat Scam

Proof that the dangers of cybersex are all too real arose in Australia this week when a 56 year old woman ‘fell in love’ with her online lover. There are lots of questions about whether cybersex is ‘cheating‘ in the traditional sense that don’t apply here, but the case does highlight how emotional entanglements can arise from online sex.

Nigerian Lawal Adewale Nurudeen was sentenced to 19 years imprisonment for duping the woman out of a total of $70,000 by posing as a widower whose wife and child had been tragically killed in a car accident. The allure of illicit online sex and heart-rending background was enough to persuade the victim that she had found love and that she should sacrifice her savings to help him out of a predicament.

Personally, we always feel that the “do not give out your credit card details” warnings you get on the internet are a no-brainer. If someone goes from “I’d like to put my finger in your vagina” to “can you lend my thousands of pounds?” we’d like to think that we’re sufficiently street-smart to smell a rat. I’m sure everyone thinks the same, but apparently love and lust can blind us to the obvious.

We see in these pages how often a little bit on the side can lead to unexpected outcomes ranging all the way up to murder, so if you are going to play around: stay safe.

Amy Winehouse Adultery & Divorce

Amy Winehouse has found herself divorced following some extra-marital shindigs. Frankly, we’d have divorced her on the basis of irreconcilable hair, but there you go. Her estranged hubbie, Blake Fielder-Civil was granted the divorce by decree nisi after Winehouse admitted adultery in court.

Normally, in cases of celebrity cheating, we find that it’s because the famous party is stunning, gifted and rich. Whoever thought that an encounter with the skeletal Winehouse, pepped up on goofballs and wandering around reeking of gin represented an attractive proposition has our sympathy.

Surely no coincidence that he wasn’t named in court. Would you have publicly confessed to having had her gnashers anywhere near your groin?