Something on the side?

Peter Robinson’s Wife Was Having an Affair

Politicians are renowned for dipping their wicks into anyone who goes weak at the knees in the presence of power and influence. But sometimes, its their long suffering other halves who fall prey to temptation while their partners are voting and shouting and fiddling their expenses. And, as ever with affairs, tragedy can follow.

Northern Ireland’s first minister Peter Robinson has quite a lot of shit going down. If IRA splinter groups aren’t trying to foment revolution and Sinn Fein bring him down then it transpires that he’s spent the last year dealing with the fallout from his wife’s “inappropriate relationship” with what Irish newspapers are calling “a much younger man.”

So far, so ordinary, but this week’s tale has a sadder bent than most. The first that Robinson knew of the affair was when he found his wife during an attempt to take her own life.

The emotional consequences of an affair can be deep and long lasting for either party. If you’re thinking of cheating then be warned that things can spiral out of control in directions you never imagined. You might think you’re getting a little shag on the side, but before you know it you can end up in way over your head before you know it. Even if it doesn’t spark any feelings in you, the other person can fall for you and make your life more complicated than you’re prepared for.

And if all that gets too much, you might find you’re prepared to go to almost any lengths to find an escape route – from murder to suicide.

On the other hand, you could feel cool about the whole thing. If you’re planning to have an affair, then think very carefully and make sure that not only you know what you’re doing, but the other party is on the level too.

Angelina Jolie thinks marital affairs are OK?

In your face, Pitt - Angelina says she might shag me. Kind of.

The big-lipped star of such classic films as Gia (which, frankly, we only know about because it has a some sensational lesbian sex scenes) and.. err… Tomb Raider has told a German magazine that having affairs is no big deal.

“I doubt that fidelity is absolutely essential for a relationship. It’s worse to leave your partner and talk badly about him afterwards. Neither Brad nor I have ever claimed that living together means to be chained together. We make sure that we never restrict each other.”

I guess that’s fine and dandy when you’re rich as Croesus and have a great ass but it probably doesn’t translate well to normal people. It’s also not exactly a great message to pass onto the kids, I guess, because there’s no guarantee that they’ll end up with someone as ‘understanding’ when they come home reeking of other people’s sex.

On the plus side, I guess that means it’ll be fine to try out some chat-up lines on Angelina if she’s ever in town. I’m going for my all-time classic standby: “Are you a spanner? Every time I look at you my nuts tighten”. Whaddyathink?

New Hampshire to Legalise Adultery?

We’re used to seeing how some parts of the world still treat adultery as more than a mere moral failing and have actually gone so far as to criminalise it. Punishments vary from a mere two years porridge to a public stoning.

Despite the fact that most of us associate that kind of legal system with backwaters like Somalia, adultery is still on the statute book of several US states. New Hampshire’s own law is in the spotlight as the state plays host to a debate about whether the law should be repealed.

Over the years, the punishment against adultery has softened from ’standing on the gallows with a noose around your neck for an hour’ (WTF?) to 39 lashes to today’s more liberal $1200 fine.

Republican Timothy Horrigan is one of the most visible proponents of a change in law. His summary is crisp and eloquent:

“We shouldn’t be regulating people’s sex lives and their love lives. This is one area the state government should stay out of people’s bedrooms.”

According to experts from DePaul University of Law in Chicago, laws against adultery are very rarely actually used in the states following a Supreme Court decision in 2003 (Lawrence vs. Texas) which found that the state had no legitimate reason to intrude on personal lives.

Although that case centred on the case of two gay men who were arrested in their own bedroom for sodomy, the principle that the state cannot arbitrate sexual conduct has proved to influential. Much to the annoyance of conservatives such as Kevin Smith who makes the counter-argument.

“Even though this criminal law probably is not enforced right now and probably has not been enforced for some time, I think it’s important to have a public policy statement that says generally or in all situations adultery is not a good thing. And I think, by repealing that statute, you’re essentially diminishing the harmful effects of adultery.”

Personally, that reminds us of the use of laws here in the UK to “send out messages”. Like the continuing debate on the legalisation of drugs, there’s little evidence that merely having a law acts as any kind of deterrent. Hell, try screwing some guy’s wife in Somalia and you’ll find yourself getting the lash – or worse. Despite that, people still screw around. The law is a poor instrument to use to attempt to change personal morality.

Against the backdrop, campaigners in the state are stepping up their attempts to get the law repealed and make life a bit easier for people who want to have an affair.

“Unofficial death sentence” for having an affair

We’re kind of used to stonings and executions for people caught having affairs in lands where more extreme forms of Islam hold sway. What is more disturbing is a case from Spain – where a woman from the Catalonia region has been rescued from the hands of 9 men who had unofficially ’sentenced’ her to death.

The men allegedly held her in a remote farmhouse where she was awaiting her ’sentence’ when she engineered a chance to escape. A police spokeswoman told reporters:

“According to the victim, she was taken against her will and sentenced to death by a group of men. The men may have formed a court to apply sharia law.”

7 of the 9 are now in jail waiting to face trial for illegal detention and attempted murder, whilst 2 have been released on police bail. It’s pretty disturbing that attitudes like that have made the leap from Islamist parts of the world to the heart of modern Europe.

Still – at least Tiger Woods is probably safe. For now.

Tiger Woods was really putting it about!

Tiger Woods and some chick. Possibly his wife.. but who knows??

Wow. We had him down as a bread and butter, up at the crack of dawn on the links in plus-4s kinda guy. But now we know that his ‘extra practice’ was taking place nowhere near a fairway. In fact, you might say he was spending way more time in the rough.

And you can forget about a hole in one – he had a hole in 6! Six!!

That’s the number of women who have now gone public on affairs with Woods. As well as Rachel Uchitel and Jaime Grubb – Tiger was using his 1 wood on another Las Vegas party girl, a New York nightclubber and a waitress from Florida plus various other floozies who were dazzled by his putting ability.

(I can’t resist these gags – but fear not, only another couple of paragraphs to go!)

Anyway, this is the peril that serial offenders must run. Having an affair is one thing – and it’s conceivable you might get away with it – but trying to juggle 6 people at once is going to trip you up in the end.

And if you’re famous and the promise of a fat cheque is just a shag away, why wouldn’t you take advantage of some star’s loose fly.

Away from the joking though is the tale of a poor wife who married for love, has kept out of the spotlight and raised kids under the difficult circumstances of being married to one of the world’s most famous sportsmen. Spare a thought for her while you chuckle.

Bishop Michael Reid: Adulterer. And Hypocrite.

"This is my body... take... eat..."

Ah… if there’s one thing we all like to see it’s a moralising do-gooder brought crashing to earth by the charge of hypocrisy. And they don’t come much more moralising than Pentecostal Bishop of Brentwood Michael Reid. And no – I don’t know what “pentecostal” means.

Remember that fuss about ‘Jerry Springer: The Opera’? Some church got up thousands of signatures decrying the effect this stage show would have on the nation’s morals? Well your man at the head of that was Bishop Reid.

In 2008, he revealed to his stunned congregation that he’d spent the last 8 years having an affair with choir mistress Sheila Graziano.

Forgive us if we take a pause here to make an observation: bwahahahahahahaha!

Since the case came to light, the good Bishop has spent less time fingering his rosaries and more time blaming everyone else for the fact that his erstwhile church has gone to the dogs. Currently, he’s trying to sue for wrongful dismissal. The big doughnut.

Anyway, this case is hardly current but remains a sterling example of how hypocrisy touches all strata of society. Whether you’re Tiger Woods, a respected doctor or a religious leader, the excitement of chasing some tail on the side acn ruin your reputation forever.

Who knows, maybe more of us should just confess to adultery?

Rachel Uchitel to come clean about Tiger Woods’ affair

"I'm a quiet person who likes reading and have never shagged Tiger Woods". Riiiiight.

I promise this will be the last Tiger Woods update for awhile unless something really juicy hits the news. If you’ve been following the tale, we heard the other day that one of the women named as Tiger Woods’ lover was denying the story, claiming that she was a quiet person who liked dogs and baking. Or something.

Anyway, Rachel Utimel (for it is she) is holding a press conference today where she is expected to basically admit that she was a lying little minx when she said that.

We’ve got mixed feelings about all of this. Tiger Woods has undoubtedly contributed to the sheer size of this story with his sphinx-like silence on his personal life down the years. We can’t think of a single person of his profile and public presence about whom we know less. He broke down racial barriers in golf and made the whole sport sexy. Or sexier, anyway.

By being so closed, he only served to fuel speculation as soon as the merest chink of innuendo was attached to his name. To put it another way, no-one would have cared if say Joey Barton was in another fight. It’s what we expect. Had Woods adopted a less saintly and aloof manner in his early days, then maybe we’d all just be shrugging right now.

He was also stupid. Few people manage to get away with affairs. Fewer still when one of the parties is famous. Even if love and jealousy doesn’t lead to betrayal, tabloid cheque books and the lure of the chatshow sofa tends to smoke out one party eventually. According to reports, he was so indiscreet as to even use his regular phone to take her calls, which ultimately aroused his wife’s suspicions when she saw his dialled numbers and voicemails.

Well duh, Tiger, you could afford another phone!

Tiger Woods Statement / Confession on Adultery Allegation

“I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.

Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means. For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives. The stories in particular that physical violence played any role in the car accident were utterly false and malicious. Elin has always done more to support our family and shown more grace than anyone could possibly expect.

But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don’t share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one’s own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn’t have to mean public confessions.

Whatever regrets I have about letting my family down have been shared with and felt by us alone. I have given this a lot of reflection and thought and I believe that there is a point at which I must stick to that principle even though it’s difficult.

I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology.”

Told ya!

Tiger Woods affairs… women to go public?

If he *is* cheating... why? HIs wife is HOT

Well the internet has been alive with rumours about Tiger Woods for some time – rumours that came to a head following his ‘car crash‘ last week. Now, even as reliable a source as the The Times is acknowledging the rumours so it looks like the story is finally going to break.

A Vegas cocktail waitress revelling in the (appropriate?) name Jaimee Grubbs has been the first to break cover – claiming that she has over 300 “racy” texts from the golfing legend dating back to 2007. However, the ‘other woman’ alleged to have been at the centre of the mysterious car crash last week, Rachel Uchitel, has gone public with her denials.  She told the New York Post:

“I have not had an affair with Tiger Woods. I’m a recluse, I don’t go out, I stay home with my dogs and friends.”

All well and good, but she was photographed earlier this year publically cavorting in the Caribeean with American Idol host Ryan “Who?” Seacrest.

Is there any truth in these rumours? Perhaps not surprisingly Woods himself is still issuing denials – despite still refusing to answer questions from police about the circumstances around the “car crash”. And it is true that anyone as much in the public eye as Woods is will always attract sensational rumours and the attention of gold-diggers eager for a slice of that fame and money.

But then again, history has shown that those under such pressures often make people crack and do silly things like dip their wick into a cocktail waitress when really they should know better.

Of course, you know where to come for the latest updates. Check back for more on this unfolding story over the next few days.

Cheshire Teacher Commits Adultery with 15 year old Pupil

"Now. For your homework I'd like you all to drop your trousers..."

Normally (insofar as the experiences we cover can be classed as “normal”) adultery takes place between two consenting adults – one of whom is in a marriage. Textbook definitions and all that. Occasionally though, a case comes to our attention that is even less savoury.

Madeleine Martin, 39, of Knutsford, Cheshire was jailed today for sleeping with a 15 year old pupil in her care. The two had begun talking through Facebook and after apparently under a weeks’ worth of cybersex proceeded to full sex in various places like his uncle’s house and a supermarket car park (where a security guard shooed them away).

At her hearing, the judge noted that her relationship with her husband had “ended” but without divorce she was still committing adultery, which really seems like the lesser of two sins here anyway.

It is interesting to note that reaction is rather different to when girls get abused by boys. Partly, I daresay we can easily picture the victim getting massive kudos from his mates from shagging a teacher in a way we can’t ever imagine a girl doing. However, his parents puncture that rosy picture, saying that he had ‘lost his sparkle’ and was no longer in full time education having been picked on by other children in his year.

Maybe the judge sums it up best:

“You started to abuse the trust you were entrusted with. Eventually you lured him into intimacies which should never have happened. You are to blame, not him. Those of either sex in a position of trust must expect significant punishment when they abuse that trust – especially sexually.”