Serious Adultery

Is he cheating on me?

Statistically speaking, anything up to 60% of men stray from the straight and narrow and have a marital affair at some point during their marriage. That’s a lot of screwing around on the side. And no doubt, if you’re reading this, you’ve got your private concerns about what he’s doing and are wondering if there’s any way of knowing for sure.

The short answer is no. The depths of deceit that men (and, to be fair, women) will stoop to in order to conceal their wrongdoings are almost limitless. But while no two cheaters are entirely alike, there are many common clues you might want to keep an eye out for.

Any one of these signs could have a perfectly innocent explanation, so greeting him home with a left hook on a flimsy foundation of suspicion isn’t a great idea. Even so….

1. Changes in his attitude to his personal privacy – if he starts to keep his phone in his pocket all the time whereas previously he was happy to leave it anywhere then he could be trying to keep text messages from prying eyes. Likewise if you had access to his email accounts and find that his passwords change without him telling you there could be something he doesn’t want you to see.
2. He starts using social networking websites a lot more – one step above the usual “I’m laughing at my friends’s status updates” and he could be using Facebook or Twitter as a means of engaging in a little light flirting – or even cyber sex –  with a love rival.
3. His work or social life starts to take up more time – it might sound obvious, but when a man who was previously always home in time for his dinner suddenly starts to pull late nights in the office it could be a cover for an affair.
4. Changes in his attitude to you - some men cheat just for sexual thrills, but for others it might be for more deep-seated reasons such as unhappiness in your marriage. If he has withdrawn from you, talks to you less or is expressing less interest in the bedroom, then it could be that he has found other outlets for his desires. Alternatively – and perhaps less obviously – he could be giving you much more attention than usual. That can often be a sign of overcompensation and a guilty conscience.
5. He accuses YOU of things – one of the sneakiest moves a man can do is to create a smokescreen for his own behaviour by putting his partner on the defensive. This move throws the woman into such confusion that she becomes defensive and almost certainly won’t want to launch a counter-accusation.

If your man starts to do any single one of these things, then there are hundreds of perfectly innocent explanations for any of them and you most definitely shouldn’t jump to a wrong conclusion.

But if your “instinct” is backed up by a few different tell-tale signs it might be time to start paying more attention to what he’s doing and with whom.

In a future post, we’ll look at how to broach the subject. In the meantime, if you’re 100% certain he’s playing away from home – you could always have an affair yourself

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