Something on the side?

Having an affair with a married man

So you want to be “the other woman”. Maybe you get off on the fact that you’re fucking some other woman’s husband just because it is so very, very wrong. Or perhaps you actually love this guy and hope that, one day, he’ll leave his wife and run to your arms. Or it could be that you’re both simply after a little bit of mutual fun.

All ways up, you’re treading a line that can be both thrilling and dangerous.

Firstly, you’re messing with something that – even now- is a totem of society: marriage. While everyone knows that marriages today are less of a permanent feauture.

…an undeleted text message or a pair of knickers left in a glovebox can have disastrous outcomes for all of you…

Secondly, you’re messing with another woman. Time after time in these pages, we cover lives that are ruined (or even ended) when affairs are discovered. It isn’t uncommon for a woman to want vengeance on the other woman ahead of her husband.

Thirdly, you could be messing with a man’s happiness. He might have come into the affair thinking that he loved his wife but wanted a casual shag on the side. But what if he starts to fall for you? Are you prepared to handle the consequences if one day he turns up on your doorstep with a dozen roses and a suitcase of his belongings? What starts in mere sex can quickly escalate into something more profound unless there is total honesty between the lovers about what they are looking to get out of their affair.

Finally, consider whether kids are involved. You might not especially care if you hurt his wife by stealing or fucking her husband – hell, maybe she even deserves it – but do his children deserve. It could be that his marriage is headed for the rocks anyway, but how far you want to contribute to that process is something that you have to live with between you and your conscience.

Chances are that, like so many, you will be caught up in a whirlwind of lust and blind to potential consequences. But remember, no matter how many precautions you take, an undeleted text message or a pair of knickers left in a glovebox can have disastrous outcomes for all of you.

Some advice…

1. Be honest about your intentions
2. Be as sure as you can be about his intentions
3. Think about his wife, children and domestic situation
4. Do not get too casual about contacting him if his intention is to stay with his wife
5. Walk away if you think there is a danger of discovery

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