Something on the side?

Committing Adultery

If you’re thinking about having an affair you have a lot of thinking to do.

• If your marriage seems to be beyond repair, then having an affair might be thing that finally kills the whole thing off.
• If you’re only looking for sexual kicks, things could easily escalate to a more involved emotional level. What starts as a rough shag in an alley could quickly turn into something you never expected. Even if you stay emotionally detached… what will you do if the other party turns up on your doorstep one day?
• If you’re otherwise happily married and get caught? Well divorce isn’t easy, cheap or pain free.
• If you’ve got kids – or any kind of family – you could face a lifetime of estrangement and recrimination.

Having an affair is an exercise fraught with risk. If you get caught out then you might not just lose your relationship with your wife or husband, but the respect of your friends and family – and face devastating emotional and financial consequences.

Getting away with it partly depends on your motives in the first place. It could be that your affair is just for excitement on the side in an otherwise boring existence. Or perhaps you are actively seeking a way out of an unhappy relationship. If yours is the latter case then you’re probably a bit less bothered by secrecy than the former.

But whatever your reasons, “getting away with it” is not easy.

Meeting Someone

There are lots of places to meet a potential partner to cheat with.

• It is quite common for relationships to occur at work. You can find yourself spending 8 hours a day or more with a person you really get on with 0 which is sometimes more than you might spend with your spouse.
• Online relationships are increasingly commonplace. Chatting to people you find attractive online can lead to “cybersex” and from there things can tip over into an actual affair with surprising ease.
• Geography is obviously a big factor. If you live a long way from the other person, getting to meet them can be very difficult unless you have a cover story like regularly working away from home.

Trusting The Other Person

It might sound hypocritical if you’re screwing around on the side, but being able to trust the other party’s discretion is critical.

Warning signs include a quick “rush to judgement” about your character - especially if it’s positive. If the other person declares their undying love for you after a single meeting or a few online chats, then it suggests a degree of emotional stability. Such rampant openness can manifest in far more dangerous ways, and if the feeling isn’t mutual it could prove to be disastrous. Whether you’re a woman having an affair with a married man, a man cheating on your wife or any kind of cheat at all… stay careful and stay safe at all times.

Time & Place

Choosing somewhere where you can meet is critical to getting away with your adultery. You need a place with some degree of privacy (unless the thrill of potential discovery is one of your motivations!)