Adultery Tips for affairs and cheating
Msny of you will remember the film “The Go Between”, where a young boy acted as a secret means of communication between lovers.
It’s a fact of life that many affairs are exposed by suspicious spouses checking out their other halfs mobile phone – contacts and texts.
As our site name suggests, we take adultery seriously, and in that context we are developing a Go Between service to pass messages, meet up details etc between lovers.
The basic framework would be that we would supply you with a mobile number which would be answered by somebody of the “appropriate” sex, you would leave the message for your lover which would then be personally delivered to your lover, again by somebody of the appropriate sex.
In the event spouses do any checking up, they find themselves talking to their husbands “squash partner”, or their wifes “beautician” etc, so if any checking up goes on, your position is safe.
Rather than launch something that doesn’t exactly meet you needs, we need feedback from YOU, our readers so we can tailor our service accordingly, and crucially, how much you would be willing to pay for such a peace of mind service, and would you prefer £ per month or per use.
Please send your feedback to:
The first thing is to choose your conquests carefully and erect barriers between them and your personal life. In extremis, this can mean adopting a fake persona, but in the main it means simple things like not divulging your telephone number.
Here are a few tips to be going on with:
- Be honest about your dishonesty
If you want to avoid a protracted and messy emotional entanglement, make sure you tell your target exactly what you’re after. Don’t promise them love and ever-lasting romance. If you’re after the electric excitement of illicit sex, say so! If they’re interested, they’ll sign up. If not, you just side-stepped a minefield.
- If in doubt, hide your identity
History is littered with divorced people who added their lover on Facebook, or swapped phone numbers with a one-night stand. If you want the person’s body but are unsure about how honest you can bewith them (see point 1) then the best defence you can erect is a solid lie. A fake name, second email address or a spare pay-as-you-go SIM card puts a firewall between your daytime existence and your night-time sins. Sure, it’s not moral, but you’ve already crossed that particular Rubicon.
- Don’t bitch about your partner
The moment you start grousing about your partner to a lover, you’re sending signals that you might be leaving them. Fine if that’s your intention, but if you just want a shag you’re opening the door to trouble. Better to say “I love my wife, but this is fun” than “God I hate my wife – and I love the way you give blowjobs?” The latter course sounds flattering, but really you’re subconsciously setting the scene for “so when you leaving your partner?“
- Be Irregular
The more predictable you get in your habits, the easier it will be to get caught out. If you bill Tuesday nights as “bingo with the ladies” every week, eventually the people you are supposed to be with will inadvertently ruin the game. People are good at spotting patterns. Better the occasional shag than settling into a cosy routine that can be upset by a partner who thinks they know where they can find you in pinch.
- Technology is your friend. And your enemy.
To help you in your quest for off-piste nasties, there are dedicated sites like Ashley Madison – which specialise in putting attached people in front of each other, which neatly sidesteps point 1. However, Facebook and email accounts also put you a hop, skip and a jump away from discovery. As in point 2, keeping a degree of anonymity is essential in most cases to avoid unwanted blowback.
Statistically speaking, anything up to 60% of men stray from the straight and narrow and have a marital affair at some point during their marriage. That’s a lot of screwing around on the side. And no doubt, if you’re reading this, you’ve got your private concerns about what he’s doing and are wondering if there’s any way of knowing for sure.
The short answer is no. The depths of deceit that men (and, to be fair, women) will stoop to in order to conceal their wrongdoings are almost limitless. But while no two cheaters are entirely alike, there are many common clues you might want to keep an eye out for.
Any one of these signs could have a perfectly innocent explanation, so greeting him home with a left hook on a flimsy foundation of suspicion isn’t a great idea. Even so….
- Changes in his attitude to his personal privacy – if he starts to keep his phone in his pocket all the time whereas previously he was happy to leave it anywhere then he could be trying to keep text messages from prying eyes. Likewise if you had access to his email accounts and find that his passwords change without him telling you there could be something he doesn’t want you to see.
- He starts using social networking websites a lot more – one step above the usual “I’m laughing at my friends’s status updates” and he could be using Facebook or Twitter as a means of engaging in a little light flirting – or even cyber sex – with a love rival.
- His work or social life starts to take up more time – it might sound obvious, but when a man who was previously always home in time for his dinner suddenly starts to pull late nights in the office it could be a cover for an affair.
- Changes in his attitude to you - some men cheat just for sexual thrills, but for others it might be for more deep-seated reasons such as unhappiness in your marriage. If he has withdrawn from you, talks to you less or is expressing less interest in the bedroom, then it could be that he has found other outlets for his desires. Alternatively – and perhaps less obviously – he could be giving you much more attention than usual. That can often be a sign of overcompensation and a guilty conscience.
- He accuses YOU of things – one of the sneakiest moves a man can do is to create a smokescreen for his own behaviour by putting his partner on the defensive. This move throws the woman into such confusion that she becomes defensive and almost certainly won’t want to launch a counter-accusation.
If your man starts to do any single one of these things, then there are hundreds of perfectly innocent explanations for any of them and you most definitely shouldn’t jump to a wrong conclusion.
But if your “instinct” is backed up by a few different tell-tale signs it might be time to start paying more attention to what he’s doing and with whom.
In a future post, we’ll look at how to broach the subject. In the meantime, if you’re 100% certain he’s playing away from home – you could always have an affair yourself
Work can be a dangerous place. And we’re not talking about breathing in the fumes from the photocopier or the scaldingly hot coffee from the coffee machine. We’re talking about the sexual subcurrents that flow through offices.
Firstly, assuming you work in a relatively modern environment, it brings us into close regular contact with members of the opposite sex. This can in itself be dangerous. If you find yourself working alongside some stunning creature from Planet Sex then even if you’re happily attached you can find yourself thinking unhealthy thoughts.
And then there’s the time. 8 hours a day, working knee-to-knee with someone on the same projects in the same space. That’s conceivably as much as you spend with your spouse. And you’re not just watching TV cosily on the sofa – you’re pursuing shared objectives, helping each other out. You might both hate your boss and laugh at a particular colleague. So naturally you go out to lunch together… start to lower your guard and discuss your home life. Maybe you’ve just had a fight with your Significant Other and just want to moan about it.
All the while, you’re getting closer and developing a bond based on personal knowledge, in-jokes and regular contact. Can you keep all that platonic? Sure. Lots of people do. But long before the perils of cybersex reared their head people were finding themselves ensnared in little honeypots of temptation by their co-workers.
Tips For a Workplace Affair
- Discretion! At least cybersex is confined a monitor screen where only an unguarded, over-the-shoulder glance would give the game away. Your office dalliance takes place under the watchful gaze of gossip-hungry colleagues. That means, more than anything else, not showing too much affection towards each other around the office.
- Communication! Your emails, phone use and more can be easily tracked by IT staff. And those guys are just dying to catch someone screwing around – if only to enliven their days. Do not start sending flirtatious little nothings by your day-t0-day work email address. If your IT policy is particularly zealous, don’t even use MSN or personal email accounts – you could find yourself having to explain while you’re using them during office hours in the first place.
- Don’t brag! You might be boning the single hottest chick (or hunk) in Accounts and feel justly proud of that fact. Boasting about it to your less fortunate colleagues might seem tempting. But you know what office gossips are like. Keep firmly and irrevocably schtum.
Do all that and you might – just might – get away with your affair.
If you are having a marital affair then in all likelihood you don’t want to get caught.Possibly you still love your partner and your affair is just a way to get some sexual excitement. Or maybe you have kids and would hate to see them get hurt. Or maybe you just can’t afford a divorce.
Either way, protecting yourself from discovery is absolutely paramount. Here’s some tips to help you get away with your naughtiness.
- The overarching principle is: keep it simple. The more complex your life becomes, the more opportunities there are for something to go wrong.
- Don’t develop regular patterns of behaviour. “Working late” in the office is fine from time to time. When it starts happening every Thursday, you’re going to need explanations as to why that is. Even if you have a convincing explanation, eventually your partner is going to start resenting the fact that you’re always late and never seem to get a promotion
- Keep separate communication channels. It should be a no-brainer, but using your everyday email account to make arrangements or swap sordid messages with a lover leaves you open to a massive danger. Email addresses from the like of Hotmail, Yahoo and Gmail are free and can be dedicated to certain relationships you don’t want anyone else to know about. Make sure, of course, to use a careful choice of username and password that is different to those you use for day to day activities.
- Don’t take uneccessary risks. Part of the sheer excitement of having an affair rests with the danger. But it is foolish to start increasing that danger through choice. Sure, sex in a back alley might be the most exciting of your life, but you’ve literally no idea who might walk around the corner. If it’s someone who knows either of you – however tangentially – the game could be up.
- Don’t lie to your lover. You’re already engaging in lies as it is. But if you start telling your lover that you see a great future for you together just to get them into the sack then you’re multiplying your risks many times over. If this is just excitement on the side then just tell the other person so they know where they stand. That way, you lessen the risk of unwanted emotional attachments.
- Don’t like to yourself. Don’t kid yourself about your motivations. If you want out of a marriage then you’re better seeking legal advice than a shag on the side.
- Don’t make your secrecy too obvious. If you have a workaday email account, make sure your partner has the password so that they feel that they are trusted. Likewise, don’t be too obvious about keeping your phone hidden or on your person at all times. Make sure that your lover knows when, where and how to contact you when their is the least chance of discovery.
- Don’t trust people with your secret. Unburdening yourself to a friend might seem like a sensible step from an emotional perspective but now the number of people who could potentially blow your cover through a careless word or conversation is suddenly much, much higher.
Many people think they’re clever enough – or their partners stupid enough – for them to get away with the most colossal risks. But taking risks puts your life in the hands of luck rather than judgement. By following the precautionary principles behind these practical steps, you’re giving yourself the best chance of getting away with your affair.
So you want to be “the other woman”. Maybe you get off on the fact that you’re fucking some other woman’s husband just because it is so very, very wrong. Or perhaps you actually love this guy and hope that, one day, he’ll leave his wife and run to your arms. Or it could be that you’re both simply after a little bit of mutual fun.
All ways up, you’re treading a line that can be both thrilling and dangerous.
Firstly, you’re messing with something that – even now- is a totem of society: marriage. While everyone knows that marriages today are less of a permanent feauture.
…an undeleted text message or a pair of knickers left in a glovebox can have disastrous outcomes for all of you…
Secondly, you’re messing with another woman. Time after time in these pages, we cover lives that are ruined (or even ended) when affairs are discovered. It isn’t uncommon for a woman to want vengeance on the other woman ahead of her husband.
Thirdly, you could be messing with a man’s happiness. He might have come into the affair thinking that he loved his wife but wanted a casual shag on the side. But what if he starts to fall for you? Are you prepared to handle the consequences if one day he turns up on your doorstep with a dozen roses and a suitcase of his belongings? What starts in mere sex can quickly escalate into something more profound unless there is total honesty between the lovers about what they are looking to get out of their affair.
Finally, consider whether kids are involved. You might not especially care if you hurt his wife by stealing or fucking her husband – hell, maybe she even deserves it – but do his children deserve. It could be that his marriage is headed for the rocks anyway, but how far you want to contribute to that process is something that you have to live with between you and your conscience.
Chances are that, like so many, you will be caught up in a whirlwind of lust and blind to potential consequences. But remember, no matter how many precautions you take, an undeleted text message or a pair of knickers left in a glovebox can have disastrous outcomes for all of you.
- Be honest about your intentions
- Be as sure as you can be about his intentions
- Think about his wife, children and domestic situation
- Do not get too casual about contacting him if his intention is to stay with his wife
- Walk away if you think there is a danger of discovery
Having an affair is tricky. Aside from the trouble inherent in evading detection, it is almost impossible to tell how you and your extramarital affair will work out from an emotional perspective.
A lot, of course, depends on your reasons for embarking on an affair. If you are actively seeking a new partner and a way out of your marriage, emotional attachment is probably exactly what you’re looking for with your new partner. But if you’re having an affair just because you think you need a thrill or a bit on the side, then keeping emotions out of it makes it easier to do and get away with.
The first point therefore is to be upfront with the person you’re intending to have an affair with. If all you want is fun, then you’d better be honest with them. Firstly – and most importantly – you must tell them that you are married. They deserve to know where they stand. Like anyone in a relationship, if they discover that they’ve been lied to they’ll be hurt and angry.
Keeping a lid on affair is pretty hard as it is. You hurt someone’s feelings then there is no telling what they will do. It is precisely because of this lack of openness that people go so far as to commit murder in an attempt to hide their activities. If you’re just after some casual fun, then make that clear. Don’t proclaim undying love and buy presents. Stick to sex.
A second strategy is to maintain a degree of anonymity. The more you let someone into your life, the greater the opportunities are for you to become too interested in each other. You don’t have to lie about your job or your relationship, but you don’t have to tell the other person any great detail. They needn’t know where your office is or what you do there. By keeping some of the detail of your life away from their knowledge, there is less basis for feelings to grow.
If you’ve got the opportunity, you could even go so far as to use a false name, a disposable phone number and a one-off email address.
The Amount of Contact
Thirdly, minimise the contact you have with the other person.The more you talk to them, the more you grow to like them. If you start sharing jokes… telling each other what your day at the office was like and so on ever day, then you are putting your affair on a different level. You are also harming your marriage. This is the stuff that you are supposed to share with your spouse. By sharing it with someone else, you are subconsciously putting the new relationship on the same kind of footing as your marriage. That quickly leads to questions forming in your own head about who you truly love.
Be Prepared to Cut it Off
If you’re planning to avoid getting tangled up in someone else’s emotional life, you have to have a certain degree of calculation about you. You can take all the steps you like to stop yourself becoming too attached to the other person, but if they’re investing more in you then you have to be prepared to cut and run. Look for danger signs:
- Proclamations of love.
- An increasing amount of contact between you
- More sharing of day to day troubles
- Starting to dismiss your partner between yourselves in conversation
Once you start to cross these bridges, you are putting yourself in a more emotionally attuned situation. You need to remember that you came into this for sex and thrills. If and when you start to feel emotion creeping into the equation, you have to be prepared to cut things off.
The BBC offers a tantalising test for those of us who are curious as to how likely we are to cheat on our partner at some point. It’s a bit of fun but I suspect not very scientific.
In truth, none of us can ever say. Put into the right place at the right time with the right person, few us really know how we’ll react. Sexual chemistry is beyond the compass of rationality. In a world where people get murdered
Many people don’t even know what adultery is, incredible as that may seem. I quick look on Yahoo Answers for Adultery reveals questions like “What makes homosexual behavior different from fornication and adultery?”, “What is the difference between rape and adultery?” and “is it adultery to have relationship after husband committed adultery and divorce is in process?”.
If people are really that unsure as to what it means to commit adultery, you have to conclude that they’d actually find it pretty easy to do. If you don’t know where the boundaries are its very easy to step over them.
All that holds you back is your sense of morality. If it’s strong enough to withstand temptation then you’ll stay on the straight and narrow for all your life. But if you’ve got a sense of curiousity and the opportunity presents itself…
So the answer is actually that you very possibly would. You can deny it here and now, sat looking at your computer screen with your partner busying themselves around in the background. Put dropped into a situation with an attractive stranger who can say for sure? Cheats often stray when they’re least expecting to.
As part of this job, I get to search Google for marital affairs quite a lot. Thanks to Google, loads of stuff comes bubbling to the top. In this case, some guy is trying to track down a chick whose profile he’s seen on maritalaffair.co.uk. If you were being evil, you could probably find out quite a lot about his identity and if I was married to a Karen from Harrogate I might be glancing at her a little bit askance.
Now, there’s a salutory warning about the dangers of using the internet as a conduit for having an affair. You can leave tracks everywhere without even realising it. Google goes far and deep into all sorts of nooks and crannies, so if you do go down this route, use anonymous usernames and only reveal details of your identity in private conversation.
People who are ready for a marital affair..
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