Something on the side?

Peter Robinson’s Wife Was Having an Affair

Politicians are renowned for dipping their wicks into anyone who goes weak at the knees in the presence of power and influence. But sometimes, its their long suffering other halves who fall prey to temptation while their partners are voting and shouting and fiddling their expenses. And, as ever with affairs, tragedy can follow.

Northern Ireland’s first minister Peter Robinson has quite a lot of shit going down. If IRA splinter groups aren’t trying to foment revolution and Sinn Fein bring him down then it transpires that he’s spent the last year dealing with the fallout from his wife’s “inappropriate relationship” with what Irish newspapers are calling “a much younger man.”

So far, so ordinary, but this week’s tale has a sadder bent than most. The first that Robinson knew of the affair was when he found his wife during an attempt to take her own life.

The emotional consequences of an affair can be deep and long lasting for either party. If you’re thinking of cheating then be warned that things can spiral out of control in directions you never imagined. You might think you’re getting a little shag on the side, but before you know it you can end up in way over your head before you know it. Even if it doesn’t spark any feelings in you, the other person can fall for you and make your life more complicated than you’re prepared for.

And if all that gets too much, you might find you’re prepared to go to almost any lengths to find an escape route – from murder to suicide.

On the other hand, you could feel cool about the whole thing. If you’re planning to have an affair, then think very carefully and make sure that not only you know what you’re doing, but the other party is on the level too.

Confessions of a Cheating Husband

We’ve had a look at women’s motivations for cheating and concluded that they might be very different to those that drive a man to play away from home. Thanks to our anonymous submitter John (not his real name) we can have a closer look at what drove one man to stray from his wife of 15 years in search of an illicit encounter.

*** WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS EXPLICIT MATERIAL ***

Many thanks to ‘John’ for his submission. If you’d like to add your own story, drop us an email. Anything you tell us will be treated with the utmost discretion.

John’s Story

Looking back I wasn’t even looking to have an affair when it happened. I was really content at home in ******** with my wife Janet and a young son. Like a lot of blokes I always liked to look at other women when I was out or in the office but I never thought anything of it.

Then one day I got bullied into signing up for Facebook because everyone else was doing it. I thought it would be a bit weird doing it and didn’t know what to expect and it was pretty boring at first once you’d played the vampire game (remember that?) Anyway  I joined a group about my favourite team – the mighty ******** United. It was the first time I’d ever really used a ‘forum’ type thing because I’m perhaps a bit old for that kind of thing but I really got into it.

One person kept cropping up in my conversations though. Clare. She was always really funny and her humour really seemed on my level. Sometimes we’d have a conversation thread to ourselves and we developed loads of injokes. Without realising it I was spending quite a lot of time logging on at work to talk to her specifically. One day she asked if I had MSN so we swapped addresses.

I think that’s when I started to realise how attracted I was to her. I’d only seen her tiny little profile picture on Facebook but it didn’t seem to matter because we got on so well. We started chatting more on MSN than Facebook pretty much every day. And then in the night when our respective husband and wife had gone to bed.

The Cybersex

One night I was talking to her when somehow we ended up having ‘cyber sex‘. It took me totally by surprise. One minute  we were joking, the next we were describing what we’d do to each other. I was sat on my laptop until 2 in the morning telling her how I’d like to use my fingers and tongue on her body. It was so intense.

Pretty soon we were having cybersex almost everyday. As soon as my wife was in bed I would log on hoping she was there and masturbate while we talked – sometimes for hours. I felt like I could be honest with Clare in a way I could never be with my wife.

After about 6 months I was going on a works night out in N*********. By chance Clare was going to a conference there at the same time.

I knew then that we’d go further than just cybersex.

The Meeting

I was terrified of meeting Clare. I didn’t know how it would work out. So I sat in the hotel bar beforehand and got good and drunk. Eventually, she arrived a bit late and flustered and we just started talking. We made chit chat for a while before I got the nerve up to ask her if she wanted to go up to my room for a drink. It makes me laugh now that I even said that!

We more or less fell through the door in each other’s arms, kissing and touching. I literally tore her shirt off and threw her back on the bed. We’d talked about what we’d do so much that it was amazing to actually do it. I kissed her all over her skin from her calves over her thighs and when I finally got to lick her pussy it was incredible. We talked about what she tasted like all the time and to finally put my tongue there was the biggest adrenalin rush ever. Then she gave me a really sexy slow blowjob.

We had sex for what seemed like hours until we were sweaty and breathless and fell asleep in each other’s arms. We both knew how wrong and how risky it was but somehow that made it all the better. I’ve never had better sex.

The Fallout

I’ve hardly spoken to Clare since that time. I don’t know whether us actually doing it took away some of the excitement and mystery out of our relationship or whether one of us was embarassed afterwards. We still send the odd email to each other and are friendly but the spark has gone it seems. I do sort of regret it really. Noone but me and Clare knows this every happened but I do love my wife and know I’ve let her down so badly.

Housewife Confessions: Adultery

Only rarely do we get to hear the story of an adulterer first hand. Suppressed into silence either because they are still evading detection, or through shame after what they have done has become public. In the first of what we hope will be a regular series, we lift the lid on the thoughts and experiences of a self confessed adulteress.

Our sincerest thanks to our first confessor.

If you would like to confess – with the absolute, cast-iron certainty that we won’t release any information that might identify you, you can contact us here.

Tell us something about yourself

I’m a middle class, church going, mother of 3 … with a pierced fanny.

When did you first contemplate an affair?

I’d chosen the date knowing that my husband would be away that night.  That way I wouldn’t have to look him in the eye for 36 hours after it had happened.

I never contemplated having my first affair.  It’s the classic story which starts, “It just happened”.  I’d never considered myself anything but faithful.  My marriage hadn’t been happy for a while although I’d tried to brush the discontentment away.  When I started talking to him it was purely as friends.  Actually, we were friends of a friend on the internet.  And the internet is where it stayed for most of its duration.  I was undeniably attracted to him and we flirted outrageously but that was all that I would ever do.

Then one day the flirting went a little bit further.  We were talking on MSN and started describing what we would like to do to each other.  I honestly can’t remember who started it first but from then on we were incredibly intense.  We ’spoke’ most of the day everyday when he was at work and even when our spouses were near us at home.

How did you go about arranging it?

We tried for a very long time not to meet.  Neither of us had ever been unfaithful before and so it seemed like such a big step.  but, inevitably we decided it had to happen.  Arranging things was easy.  He took a morning off work and I dropped my daughter of at pre-school before heading to a car park at a woodland park.

I’d chosen the date knowing that my husband would be away that night.  That way I wouldn’t have to look him in the eye for 36 hours after it had happened.

Did you have any guilt after the first time you cheated?

At every stage, from driving to the meeting point, to the first moment I looked in his eyes, our first kiss … I asked myself “Is this the point when I should start feeling guilty?”.  But I never did.  Even when I was driving away, knowing he had been intimate with me in a way that only my husband had for the past 13 years, I didn’t feel anything except happiness.

I now know that I could have driven straight to my husband and looked him in the eye with absolutely no problem.

What I got out of it was fun, passion, confirmation that I was worth more than a cook, cleaner and mother

What were looking to get out of the affair?

I can’t say I was looking to get anything out of the affair.  That would suggest that I had thought about it in that way.  It was a spontaneous happening.  Nothing was planned or calculated.

What did you get out of your affair?

What I got out of it was fun, passion, confirmation that I was worth more than a cook, cleaner and mother.  I was with someone who would rather be throwing me onto a bed than folding his sweater.  I got confidence to find a new, passionate life.  And that’s exactly what I did.  That confidence has changed me forever.

How long did it carry on for?

The affair carried on for about 6 months.

If it ended, why?

It ended, bizarrely enough, as his marriage ended.  He told his wife that he needed to leave her and went into meltdown.  He needed to sort out his head and our relationship was one of the things which didn’t fit in with his new found freedom.  I was devastated.  He’d made me realise that I wanted and needed more out of life and then, suddenly, he’d moved on to a new phase and I was stuck, alone, in an unhappy marriage.

Would you do it again?

Would I do it again?  In a heartbeat!  My lover can’t take all the credit for my new life.  There is someone I love dearly now who has pushed me further towards finding myself than my first lover ever could.  I don’t know whether you’d describe it as an affair.  It’s certainly not conventional.

He is in a full, wonderful loving relationship with his wife.  And he has other lovers too.  Whether they love him as I do, and whether he tells them that he loves them, the way he does me, I don’t know.  Quite frankly, that’s none of my business.  He gives me the excitement and passion I need and accepts that I will find it elsewhere too.  With him, I have freedom, passion, love and a soul mate who knows me better than anyone else.

Through him I have realised that I am not a monogamous person.  Even if I was happy in my marriage, I’m sure I would ‘cheat’ again.  And would I regret anything?  Only the things I didn’t do.

Tags: Adultery, confessions