Something on the side?

Ashley Cole a cheat. Who saw that coming?

London 24th February
Cheryl Cole has finally got around to separating from Ashley Cole. As a Leeds fan, I can’t say I’m too unhappy to see the weasel-faced little shitbucket getting his comeuppance for sleeping around. I mean… hell.. you’d cheat on Chery Cole?? Hello… mist mist… I am mad etc.

OK. Deep breaths. Onto the facts. Hot on the heels of John Terry’s confession of adultery, team mate Ashley Cole has been the subject of rumours before. In fact, Cheryl moved out of their home shortly after their marriage following the first public allegations of cheating. It seems that he’s blown his second chance after being caught in an affair whose details have yet to surface properly, but will no doubt involve machism

It’s perhaps no surprise to find that footballers are a veritable magnet for extra-marital sexual dealings. Young, rich and in their athletic prime, they are surrounded by an air of the disrepute as they lollygag around town, aflame with youth and barely attainable sex.

Of course, such people attract those who would use their own sexuality to get close to the money and the fame. The thrill of illicit sex leads people to risk everything for extra-marital sex with a perfectly average family man or woman, so the thought of a tautly muscled young sportsman sets feminine hearts pulsing. And with an array of beautiful young women prepared to fulfill any secret desires he might have had, who among is so simon-pure to be sure that we too wouldn’t fall prey to temptation?

Peter Ling and Linda Casey. Another Marital Affair. Another Murder.

Surrey, UK: February 19th

It started as lovers’ tiff in a woodland in Surrey, but ended in murder. The trial of Peter Ling has been told that the 50 year old Ling had been having an affair with 54 year old mother of three Linda Casey prior to the incident.

Both Casey and Ling had complicated personal lives. Casey had been married twice before and had separated from her husband but still lived with him at the same address. Her affair with Ling was one of two relationships she was carrying on.

It is alleged that it was Ling’s discovery that he wasn’t the only man in Casey’s life that led to the fatal argument, in which Casey was battered to death with a piece of flint, covered in leaves and left to decompose in the secluded woods.

John Coffey, prosecuting, told the courtroom how Casey would meet Ling on Thursdays and Saturdays and another man – named as Ian Tolfrey – on Friday. While Casey’s affair with Ling dated back as far as 2005, her daughter told the court that her mother had become “besotted” with Tolfrey, who she had only recently met.

The prosecution say that on the day of the murder, Ling and Casey had sex prior to a walk in the woods during which time Casey told Ling about Tolfrey. They allege that the discovery of a second man in her life made him ‘crazy’, saying that ’something inside him snapped… he picked up whatever was lying around and hit her with it”

Ling does not deny killing Casey and has entered a plea of manslaughter caused by provocation. The trial continues.

Of course, regular readers of these pages won’t be startled to see that extramarital sex can quickly spiral into murder. Like all such cases, complications arise and emotions get out of hand. We remind you to take precautions to keep yourself safe and trying to avoid emotional attachment remain the best protection against things getting far, far too heavy.

Malaysia Starts Caning Love Cheats

Malaysia: Feb 18th.

Three women have been caned having been found guilty of adultery by an Islamic court. Home Minister Hishamuddin Hussein admitted that he wanted to draw attention to the case following an outcry over a similar punishment handed to a woman for drinking in August last year, which he claimed had been ‘overhyped.’

“People are saying that no woman has been caned before… today I am announcing that we have already done it”

The belief that public examples of justice are a necessary part of law enforcement – the so-called deterrent theory – is something that is common to lawmakers across the world. Calls for criminals to be used a ‘examples’ are hardly unknown in our own country, for example.

But in the Islamic world, the increasing stridency of such calls and the extreme nature of the punishments meted out mark the ascendency of a more extreme form of Sharia law. Stonings in Somalia have attracted much attention in recent months, but these represent just the tip of an iceberg.

Whether such punishments actually work to prevent a higher rate of adultery is really an unknown. Even when the penalty is death, it is apparent that women and men alike still fall prey to temptation.

What is certain is that the polarisation between the West and the Islamic world is brought into stark relief over the issue of affairs and adultery. Our own debate about Jon Terry’s affair centred on whether we believed he should be stripped of his captaincy of a football side. Aside from Arsenal fans, almost no-one called for him to be publicly whipped.

Workplace Affairs: Affairs with Colleagues are Dangerous

Work can be a dangerous place. And we’re not talking about breathing in the fumes from the photocopier or the scaldingly hot coffee from the coffee machine. We’re talking about the sexual subcurrents that flow through offices.

Firstly, assuming you work in a relatively modern environment, it brings us into close regular contact with members of the opposite sex. This can in itself be dangerous. If you find yourself working alongside some stunning creature from Planet Sex then even if you’re happily attached you can find yourself thinking unhealthy thoughts.

And then there’s the time. 8 hours a day, working knee-to-knee with someone on the same projects in the same space. That’s conceivably as much as you spend with your spouse. And you’re not just watching TV cosily on the sofa – you’re pursuing shared objectives, helping each other out. You might both hate your boss and laugh at a particular colleague. So naturally you go out to lunch together… start to lower your guard and discuss your home life. Maybe you’ve just had a fight with your Significant Other and just want to moan about it.

All the while, you’re getting closer and developing a bond based on personal knowledge, in-jokes and regular contact. Can you keep all that platonic? Sure. Lots of people do. But long before the perils of cybersex reared their head people were finding themselves ensnared in little honeypots of temptation by their co-workers.

Tips For a Workplace Affair

• Discretion! At least cybersex is confined a monitor screen where only an unguarded, over-the-shoulder glance would give the game away. Your office dalliance takes place under the watchful gaze of gossip-hungry colleagues. That means, more than anything else, not showing too much affection towards each other around the office.
• Communication! Your emails, phone use and more can be easily tracked by IT staff. And those guys are just dying to catch someone screwing around – if only to enliven their days. Do not start sending flirtatious little nothings by your day-t0-day work email address. If your IT policy is particularly zealous, don’t even use MSN or personal email accounts – you could find yourself having to explain while you’re using them during office hours in the first place.
• Don’t brag! You might be boning the single hottest chick (or hunk) in Accounts and feel justly proud of that fact. Boasting about it to your less fortunate colleagues might seem tempting. But you know what office gossips are like. Keep firmly and irrevocably schtum.

Do all that and you might – just might – get away with your affair.

How to avoid getting caught having an affair

If you are having a marital affair then in all likelihood you don’t want to get caught.Possibly you still love your partner and your affair is just a way to get some sexual excitement. Or maybe you have kids and would hate to see them get hurt. Or maybe you just can’t afford a divorce.

Either way, protecting yourself from discovery is absolutely paramount. Here’s some tips to help you get away with your naughtiness.

• The overarching principle is: keep it simple. The more complex your life becomes, the more opportunities there are for something to go wrong.
• Don’t develop regular patterns of behaviour. “Working late” in the office is fine from time to time. When it starts happening every Thursday, you’re going to need explanations as to why that is. Even if you have a convincing explanation, eventually your partner is going to start resenting the fact that you’re always late and never seem to get a promotion
• Keep separate communication channels. It should be a no-brainer, but using your everyday email account to make arrangements or swap sordid messages with a lover leaves you open to a massive danger. Email addresses from the like of Hotmail, Yahoo and Gmail are free and can be dedicated to certain relationships you don’t want anyone else to know about. Make sure, of course, to use a careful choice of username and password that is different to those you use for day to day activities.
• Don’t take uneccessary risks. Part of the sheer excitement of having an affair rests with the danger. But it is foolish to start increasing that danger through choice. Sure, sex in a back alley might be the most exciting of your life, but you’ve literally no idea who might walk around the corner. If it’s someone who knows either of you – however tangentially – the game could be up.
• Don’t lie to your lover. You’re already engaging in lies as it is. But if you start telling your lover that you see a great future for you together just to get them into the sack then you’re multiplying your risks many times over. If this is just excitement on the side then just tell the other person so they know where they stand. That way, you lessen the risk of unwanted emotional attachments.
• Don’t like to yourself. Don’t kid yourself about your motivations. If you want out of a marriage then you’re better seeking legal advice than a shag on the side.
• Don’t make your secrecy too obvious. If you have a workaday email account, make sure your partner has the password so that they feel that they are trusted. Likewise, don’t be too obvious about keeping your phone hidden or on your person at all times. Make sure that your lover knows when, where and how to contact you when their is the least chance of discovery.
• Don’t trust people with your secret. Unburdening yourself to a friend might seem like a sensible step from an emotional perspective but now the number of people who could potentially blow your cover through a careless word or conversation is suddenly much, much higher.

Many people think they’re clever enough – or their partners stupid enough – for them to get away with the most colossal risks. But taking risks puts your life in the hands of luck rather than judgement. By following the precautionary principles behind these practical steps, you’re giving yourself the best chance of getting away with your affair.

Good luck!

Jon Terry Has Been Having an Affair

John Terry. Equally at home at centre back or in your fiancee's privates

Ahhh… the perennial topic of celebrity cheating has a new figurehead today as England Captain John Terry has been caught knobbing Vanessa Perroncel – fiancee of team mate Wayne Bridge. Naughty naughty… especially given that Terry himself is married to his childhood sweetheart and a father of two.

We’ve seen time and again in these pages how the pressure cooker of emotional that an affair can unleash in even the most apparently stable of lives. What this all means for Terry and Bridge, who must share a dressing room having shared a girl is anyone’s guess.

One thing is for sure – the allure of a man such as Terry, captain of his country, athletic, inspiring, fabulously wealthy is such that even someone married to another multi-millionaire athlete can fall under that spell.

It also shows that man who has everything in the world – a stunning wife, money beyond reason, at the very pinnacle of his profession can still fall prey to the temptation of illicit, dangerous sex.

Whether you’re a housewife, doctor, golfer or footballer the pull of the dark magic of sex can override every rational calculation. Perhaps it can lead to fulfillment… but it can also lead to despair. Are you ready to have an affair? It’s not for me to say. But even the rich and the famous struggle to keep a lid on the emotions and sexual tension that it can unleash.

Be careful out there…

Having an affair with a married man

So you want to be “the other woman”. Maybe you get off on the fact that you’re fucking some other woman’s husband just because it is so very, very wrong. Or perhaps you actually love this guy and hope that, one day, he’ll leave his wife and run to your arms. Or it could be that you’re both simply after a little bit of mutual fun.

All ways up, you’re treading a line that can be both thrilling and dangerous.

Firstly, you’re messing with something that – even now- is a totem of society: marriage. While everyone knows that marriages today are less of a permanent feauture.

…an undeleted text message or a pair of knickers left in a glovebox can have disastrous outcomes for all of you…

Secondly, you’re messing with another woman. Time after time in these pages, we cover lives that are ruined (or even ended) when affairs are discovered. It isn’t uncommon for a woman to want vengeance on the other woman ahead of her husband.

Thirdly, you could be messing with a man’s happiness. He might have come into the affair thinking that he loved his wife but wanted a casual shag on the side. But what if he starts to fall for you? Are you prepared to handle the consequences if one day he turns up on your doorstep with a dozen roses and a suitcase of his belongings? What starts in mere sex can quickly escalate into something more profound unless there is total honesty between the lovers about what they are looking to get out of their affair.

Finally, consider whether kids are involved. You might not especially care if you hurt his wife by stealing or fucking her husband – hell, maybe she even deserves it – but do his children deserve. It could be that his marriage is headed for the rocks anyway, but how far you want to contribute to that process is something that you have to live with between you and your conscience.

Chances are that, like so many, you will be caught up in a whirlwind of lust and blind to potential consequences. But remember, no matter how many precautions you take, an undeleted text message or a pair of knickers left in a glovebox can have disastrous outcomes for all of you.

Some advice…

1. Be honest about your intentions
2. Be as sure as you can be about his intentions
3. Think about his wife, children and domestic situation
4. Do not get too casual about contacting him if his intention is to stay with his wife
5. Walk away if you think there is a danger of discovery

GP Colin Shawcross Murdered for an Affair

Sex, lies and head trauma.

You have to wonder whether it’s worth it. Sure, there’s the pulsating pleasure of illicit sex – the kind of steaming passion you haven’t felt since you were a desperate teenager… but what when it goes wrong?

GP Colin Shawcross is merely the latest addition to the pile of dead bodies caused by extramarital sex. The good doctor became friends with nurse Julie Hill after taking her out to dinner when she was moving jobs from the Sheffield Hallam hospital.

Of course, you can’t have dinner with a chick these days without it ending up in a hotel room and it was little surprise when the two found themselves in a series of steamy clinches. Dr. Shawcross was unusually frank about his affair – showing a little bit more honour than many of those who’ve found their way onto these pages. He told his wife about the affair and moved out of the family home.

For once, a love that blossomed illicitly seemed to have a bit of hope for the future.

Meanwhile, Hill too confessed to her husband. But rather than the relatively civilised and adult arrangement that the Shawcrosses managed to find for themselves, Hill’s husband took it all rather badly.

In a series of text messages, he threatened suicide until Hill moved back in with him out of fear. But under such circumstances, things could never last. When at last she announced that she was leaving him for good, it unleashed a tidal wave of fury. He smashed her mobile phone against a wall… threw her personal effects from the window… and then set out to find Dr. Shawcross.

We can only speculate what went through the doctor’s mind as the enraged husband approached his car. Seconds later, he was beyond thought – his skull split by a pick-axe handle. After the savage attack, his killer bundled his body into the boot and attempted to bury it in nearby woodland.

The case, as they say, continues.

So another tale of extramarital sex ends in tragedy and death. When will you people learn? But even so – you’re still interested, aren’t you? Why not tell us about it in person before you wind up in these pages as just another statistic…

Jackie Collins had an affair with Marlon Brando? WTF?

Had the body of a 19 year old when she was 14. Now... looks about.. errr.. 72

Well it happened a long time ago, but it’s still interesting news. In a wide-ranging interview with American tabloid The Globe, the British author of sensationalist sex novels like ‘Bitch’ confessed sleeping with Brando when she was 15.

Attending a Hollywood party with her older sister – the actress Joan Collins – Jackie claims that:

“He sent someone over to me to say, ‘Marlon thinks you’re great-looking and have a great body and would like to meet you.’ We had a very brief but fabulous affair. He was at the height of his fame and gorgeous.”

Collins, now 72, claimed to have ‘the body of a 19 year old’ at the age of 14, but regardless how well she was stacked, Brando could have faced serious legal problems had the affair come to light at the time. California law allows for a 4 year jail sentence for anyone having sex with an under 18 if there is more than 3 years between them.

Brando, like a lot of movie stars, was alleged to have an enormous sexual appetite. In interviews, he alluded to numerous affairs – including a long lasting one with Marilyn Monroe. His tastes just didn’t stop with women. Famously, he told an interviewer in 1976:

“Homosexuality is so much in fashion it no longer makes news. Like a large number of men, I, too, have had homosexual experiences and I am not ashamed. I have never paid much attention to what people think about me”

So there you have it.

How to avoid emotional attachment while having an affair

Having an affair is tricky. Aside from the trouble inherent in evading detection, it is almost impossible to tell how you and your extramarital affair will work out from an emotional perspective.

A lot, of course, depends on your reasons for embarking on an affair. If you are actively seeking a new partner and a way out of your marriage, emotional attachment is probably exactly what you’re looking for with your new partner. But if you’re having an affair just because you think you need a thrill or a bit on the side, then keeping emotions out of it makes it easier to do and get away with.

Honesty

The first point therefore is to be upfront with the person you’re intending to have an affair with. If all you want is fun, then you’d better be honest with them. Firstly – and most importantly – you must tell them that you are married. They deserve to know where they stand. Like anyone in a relationship, if they discover that they’ve been lied to they’ll be hurt and angry.

Keeping a lid on affair is pretty hard as it is. You hurt someone’s feelings then there is no telling what they will do. It is precisely because of this lack of openness that people go so far as to commit murder in an attempt to hide their activities. If you’re just after some casual fun, then make that clear. Don’t proclaim undying love and buy presents. Stick to sex.

Anonymity

A second strategy is to maintain a degree of anonymity. The more you let someone into your life, the greater the opportunities are for you to become too interested in each other. You don’t have to lie about your job or your relationship, but you don’t have to tell the other person any great detail. They needn’t know where your office is or what you do there. By keeping some of the detail of your life away from their knowledge, there is less basis for feelings to grow.

If you’ve got the opportunity, you could even go so far as to use a false name, a disposable phone number and a one-off email address.

The Amount of Contact

Thirdly, minimise the contact you have with the other person.The more you talk to them, the more you grow to like them. If you start sharing jokes… telling each other what your day at the office was like and so on ever day, then you are putting your affair on a different level. You are also harming your marriage. This is the stuff that you are supposed to share with your spouse. By sharing it with someone else, you are subconsciously putting the new relationship on the same kind of footing as your marriage. That quickly leads to questions forming in your own head about who you truly love.

Be Prepared to Cut it Off

If you’re planning to avoid getting tangled up in someone else’s emotional life, you have to have a certain degree of calculation about you. You can take all the steps you like to stop yourself becoming too attached to the other person, but if they’re investing more in you then you have to be prepared to cut and run. Look for danger signs:

• Proclamations of love.
• An increasing amount of contact between you
• More sharing of day to day troubles
• Starting to dismiss your partner between yourselves in conversation

Once you start to cross these bridges, you are putting yourself in a more emotionally attuned situation. You need to remember that you came into this for sex and thrills. If and when you start to feel emotion creeping into the equation, you have to be prepared to cut things off.